I don’t like to brag, but I have to admit…I’m living the dream life.
Every day, I get to do the kinds of things that leave me content and able to go to sleep happy with my choices. I get moments of connection with my wife, my children, and myself. I collaborate and co-create with other like-minded individuals. If I choose to prioritize it, I have time to nurture my physical body with exercise or relaxation.
In short, I’ve figured out a way to be sustainably happy.
How did I do it?
I won’t lie. There were years of struggle, a lack of contentment, even boredom. Especially boredom.
Turns out, boredom makes for an excellent teacher. Outside of having regular moments of loving and being loved, the second most important thing in my life is NOT BEING BORED.
Being bored all of the time is a symptom of a large-as-life problem.
If you’re bored all the time, it probably means that you’re doing what I was…saying NO to the things that make life meaningful. The circumstances vary, but there are two root causes to the problem:
(1) Having a fear mindset. Other people’s SHOULDs and SHOULDN’T are narrating your life, instead of your own values, intentions, dreams, and desires.
(2) Not valuing YOURSELF enough! You are a fucking miracle. You’re a self-aware, compassionate, hungry, creative individual floating on a speck of dirt in the middle of an endless ocean. That’s pretty radical. You know what’s more radical? Valuing yourself enough to listen to your own YES and NO!
That’s what happened to me. I let other people’s narratives (about themselves, projected onto me) drive my own life choices, ranging from where I went to school, what I studied, what I aimed to do professionally, how I engaged in seeking out relationships, as well as my relationship with money, debt, and obligation.
Ultimately, I led myself into a position where I felt trapped in every single aspect of my life.
What does it mean to feel trapped?
It means not having enough time. It means not feeling like you can make choices about how you spend your time every day. It means feeling like each and every day and year of your life is scripted, and you no longer get a say in any of it. Because if you deviate from the script, you’re disappointing someone that depends on you. Your value is determined by how well you perform the roles you’ve been assigned.
That’s what it feels like, at least. It certainly felt that way for me. The truth was a little bit different. The truth was, I always had a choice. But I’d fallen into the habit of making decisions every day on auto-pilot. I’d also fallen into the habit of making choices from a place of fear and obligation, rather than hope and self-love.
Once I “woke up” and realized what I was doing to myself, it got easier to start making dreams. To start thinking about what I could embrace, and what I could let go of, in order to make room for the things in my life I really wanted.
And what I really wanted?
I wanted the space to feel healthy in mind, body, and spirit. To have agency in my life. To have time to nurture myself, and invest in my creativity and curiosity. To have space to associate with other creative, self-loving individuals. To do things that felt meaningful, beneficial to myself, and beneficial to others.
I have those things today. And I have a life partner who also values those things. We try to live those values, make choices from a place of love over fear, and demonstrate to our children that anything is possible. That you don’t have to settle for a scripted life.
It’s not always easy.
I have hard days. We have hard conversations. There are times when my health isn’t there for me, and that makes everything else a little more difficult. My needs fluctuate and evolve with time.
My challenge is to listen and acknowledge my needs as they shift and resettle.
That’s why sustainable happiness is a process and a practice, not a destination. It’s an ongoing commitment to myself, to my wellness, to a connected and meaningful life.
And so I rest when I need to rest,
Walk when I need to walk,
Exercise when I need to exercise,
Eat what makes me feel good,
Write stories, both fiction and nonfiction, for myself and others,
Honor myself,
Honor my connection with others,
Share my joy,
Offer up any lessons I might have learned along the way,
And be open to the teachings of those around me.
In doing all of this, and more, I am living my dream life.
Are you feeling stuck? Would you like to say YES to your dream life?
I know what it feels like to be stuck. To be in that in-between space called “The Gap,” feeling like I’m not where I want to be, unsure of how to get to where I want to go.
I’d like to help you get unstuck. I’d like to see you living YOUR dream life. If you’re looking for a mentor or a guide, please don’t hesitate to contact me. You can take advantage of a free 20-minute consultation to explore your options.
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