Hey,
You don’t need to hear this from me, but…you don’t need to be perfect to be okay by me.
You don’t have to be what or how I wish you to be.
I respect and value alignment of Values with Actions, and particularly respect when Active Listening is one of those values. Not all of us share this value (or know how to model it), because we don’t have a lived experience of being Listening to and Understood.
A hard lesson for someone like me, who leads with assuming the best of others until proven otherwise, is that I’ve often assumed that what someone says about themself is actually a mask for unhealed trauma. That may be true, but Values and Actions may still be aligned. And that’s where I’ve been burned so many times…especially with early dating and when I had a Day Job.
The problem with platforms like Facebook is, unless you’re actively using your voice, I can’t tell where your values and actions are. That’s okay – you don’t have to prove yourself to me. But because of the nature of this social media, mark my words: people are noticing your silence.
Whether intentional or not, your silence is sending a message – a message that you aren’t controlling.
Posting funny memes to sidestep the issue all week? Well, it looks like you might be uncomfortable. You may have an opinion that you fear would fan the flames.
Friends with and sharing posts from people who continually demonstrate a lack of empathy and appreciation for minorities? Well, that’s sending a message too.
Some of the hardest lessons for me to learn (in my own limited experiences) include:
* Star Trek loving science fiction authors can be overt white supremacists. Isn’t that weird? I think someone missed the memo on Star Trek’s intent.
* I can’t be a teacher or mentor to everyone. I need to share the stage, because Emotional Resonance and relevance are the gateways to each individual’s evolution and journey.
* I get it wrong. It’s okay. It’s okay for you to get it wrong. I’m not cancelling anybody. But I might tune some people out. That’s for my own wellness.
* Your voice matters. Imagine my dismay to learn that freedom of speech can be weaponized. Imagine my dismay to learn that you can make $500K a year writing books with hate speech implicit in your work. And people will sell it, treat you with status, and with the other breath say: I don’t see color.
* Colorblind justice values laws over people. The system matters more than its people. This cuts both ways, and right now people are asking for a restoration of balance and CREDIBILITY. A system without credibility becomes illegitimate. That’s why they teach this shit in school, okay? It’s not abstract/boring stuff that’s never going to effect you. You’ve been given the keys to the castle, and that’s why the castle is cracking down and busting heads indiscriminately. Nothing less than legitimacy of our government is at stake.
* Facts don’t matter, when it comes to decision making at all levels of government and bureaucracies. It’s emotional relevance and resonance, once again, that dictates narrative. Narrative dictates choice. Choice dictates action.
Choice dictates action. Silence is a choice. Pretending nothing is different is a choice. Pretending laws matter more than people is a choice. Not questioning credibility and legitimacy of systems and people is a choice. Silently praying that the <insert demographic here> gets what’s coming to them is a choice. Pretending Jesus is White is a choice. Pretending this country’s myths matter more than its people is a choice.
Shall I continue?
I’m choosing to speak my assumptions. My words are imperfect, but my HEART literally bleeds. I am that snowflake, motherfucker, and I am stronger than you. Because I love myself, and have the courage to love others, and SPEAK for those who can’t.
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